I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
