You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
