I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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