not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
