Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
