after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
