tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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