I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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