You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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