Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
