ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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