It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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