I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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