My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
