Your tits are I can't wait for
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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