i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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