why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
