im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
