his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
