There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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