just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
