Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
