Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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