No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
