I wish I could teleport
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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