Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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