Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
