I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
