I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
