You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
