Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
