i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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