Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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