Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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