but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
