Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
