what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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