I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize