can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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