I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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