Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
