my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
