My nipple is on Facebook.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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