Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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