Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
