I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
