Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
