She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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