i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
