You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
