its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
