having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize