And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
