Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
