Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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