There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
