I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
