she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
