It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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