Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
